21 Golden Rules For Being More Popular

I am often asked “how can I be more popular?” Well here are my 21 golden rules:

 

Rule 1

 

When you are meeting with people make sure that you don’t have the remnants of your breakfast / lunch / dinner lodged in your teeth.

 

Rule 2

 

Keep your hair clean and free from dandruff, grease and especially living things! Remove excessive hair from ears, nose and eyebrows. Girls – lose the facial and armpits hair – ugh! Boys – forget the unshaven stubble that looks like you can’t afford a razor.

 

Rule 3

 

Dress to impress. Even in casual situations wear clean, smart clothes. Don’t dress like your grandparents. If you know that a tight dress or pants will make your belly stick out like a pregnant whale then don’t go for it. Never, ever wear anything that looks like it was made in China.

 

Rule 4

 

You have to sort out your breath! People are instantly turned off by “breath monsters”. If you have a bad breath problem then focus all your energies into sorting it out. Always carry those emergency mints.

 

Rule 5

 

Control your bodily urges and smells. Very few people will be impressed with your ability to fart or belch at will. Make sure you smell nice too. Body odors are just repulsive. I’ve even met pretty girls with smelly armpits – just gross.

 

Rule 6

 

It happens to us all – our nose is annoying us as we have a blockage. Whatever you do avoid the temptation to “honk one out” in public. Make an excuse and remove the blockage in the bathroom.

 

Rule 7

 

Girls – when people are talking to you don’t start brushing your hair or doing your make up. This is extremely irritating. Boys – completely resist the temptation to adjust, scratch or play with your nuts in public.

 

Rule 8

 

Be confident. When you enter a room full of strangers, walk tall with your head held high and walk with a confident strut. Don’t shuffle along like a timid rabbit with your head down praying nobody will notice you. Confidence will attract people like a magnet

 

Rule 9

 

Smile. If you find difficulty smiling I feel sorry for you. Smiling is guaranteed to get you noticed and will draw people to you. Nobody wants to talk to or associate with miserable, complaining people except for other miserable, complaining people.

 

Rule 10

 

Speak with a confident tone in your voice. Don’t whisper so the other person is continuously straining to hear you. Worse still is shouting – this will have people looking for any excuse to avoid you. Your voice tones are very important so if your voice sounds like two skeletons fornicating in a biscuit tin then get some professional help.

 

Rule 11

 

Maintain eye contact with people when they are talking to you. I have a good friend who has helped me immensely in my life but he has the attention span of a gnat and cannot maintain eye contact. If he wasn’t such a good friend I wouldn’t give him the time of day.

 

Rule 12

 

Learn to start a conversation. Avoid crap like “do you come here often?” or questions with one word answers. Be a bit creative – at a recent conference I asked one of the key speakers “Mike, what would you say were the critical factors of your success?” This ignited a lengthy conversation and led to a very good future relationship.

 

Rule 13

 

Be a good listener. Give people feedback by nodding in agreement or saying “oh really” or “that’s interesting”. Don’t use too many “wow” or “that’s amazing” type of comments or any other over the top stuff that will leave the other person in no doubt that you are trying to crawl up their anus.

 

Rule 14

 

Have a general approach to life. You may be passionate about your collection of sheep’s testicles or know every cheat code and the entire walkthrough for Final Fantasy 31 but this will bore the rectum off of most people.

 

Rule 15

 

Don’t talk excessively, or worse try to be an expert on something you are clearly not. People will see through you like glass and think you are as shallow as a puddle. There is an old English saying “Empty vessels make most noise”. Don’t be an empty vessel.

 

Rule 16

 

Contribute as much as you can. If you just sit there and say nothing you will be about as popular as a bag of dog crap. If the subject being discussed is foreign to you, ask someone to explain. Don’t worry about looking stupid – being involved is the important thing.

 

Rule 17

 

Be passionate in your dealings with people. This doesn’t mean falling in love with everybody, but being enthusiastic in your voice and your mannerisms. If you meet someone who is boring you into a coma just grin and bear it and maintain your enthusiasm.

 

Rule 18

 

Take the lead. Use words like “what I suggest we do is ……” Don’t bark orders like a dictator or people will think you are an arrogant ass. Don’t be a wuss either by saying “may I suggest something” just be assertive. Leaders are extremely popular.

 

Rule 19

 

Avoid the “mine’s bigger than yours” syndrome. If someone tells you that he was snowboarding down K2 at the weekend don’t be tempted to say “that’s nothing, I went down Everest on my bare ass”. Most people will be totally unimpressed with this.

 

Rule 20

 

Offer your help to people. This will be very much appreciated and make you very popular. Even if you are the most self centered son of a bitch on god’s earth you should try this. Don’t offer help and then not follow through on it or you will nosedive down the popularity charts.

 

Rule 21

 

When in Rome. Finally, adopting the dress code and habits of people that you want to be popular with always works. However if it’s too weird for you – get the hell out of there!